I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
