Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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