They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
