so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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