My sheets look like a crime scene.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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