is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
