i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
