while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
