I am puke
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
