If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
