Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
