Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
