Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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