Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
