I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm both gender and math confused
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize