In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wear drunk well.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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