I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
