im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
