What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
