I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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