I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
