Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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