I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
