i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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