Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize