I want to walk on stilts...naked
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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