I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
