remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
