We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
