I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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