well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
