Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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