i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
