Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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