so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
