I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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