laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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