i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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