Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
