So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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