He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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