I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
