the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
