do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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