I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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