you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
