he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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