I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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