9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
