Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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