he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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