I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
