I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
