***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
