I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
