You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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