this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
