1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
