Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
