Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
