just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize