I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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