I'm jealous of your bromance
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
