I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
