i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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