Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she told me i tasted like america
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
