I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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