True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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