Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
